An argument for tightening airport security

Just taking a look at the effectiveness of tighter airport security regulations so far demonstrates the effectiveness of legislative requirements.

From my best French friend, Aurelie Girard

The following advice for American travelers going to France was compiled from information provided by the US State Department, the CIA, the US Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Centers for Disease Control, and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about. It is intended as a guide for American travelers only:

France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearlyas important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular consequence and with not very good shopping. France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions to western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine.

Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible for Americans to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that local people insist on speaking in French, though many will speak
English if shouted at. Watch your money at all times.

France has a population of 56 million people. 52 million of these peopledrink and smoke, (the other 4 million are small children). All French people drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing patiently in a queue. The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof, and undisciplined; and those are
their good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are communists. Mensometimes have girls' names like Marie or Michel, and they kiss each other when they meet. American travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier mutual recognition.

In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers must be aware that from time to time it is invaded by Germany. Traditionally the French surrender immediately and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the American visitor generally goes on much as before. A
tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French Government to flee to Londonduring future German invasions.

Historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport.The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are heldmore or less continuously, and always result in a draw. The French love administration so for government purposes the country is divided into
regions, departments, districts, municipalities, towns, communes, villages, cafes, and telephone kiosks. Each of these has its own government and elections. According to the most current American State Department intelligence, the President now is someone named Jacques.

Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent, though it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. In general, travelers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers.

French people hardly work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, guns, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.

France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. Among its 361national holidays are:
* 197 saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days,
* 16 Declaration of Republic Days,
* 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in Triumph as if he Won the War single-handed Days,
* 18 Napoleon Sent into Exile Days,
* 17 Napoleon Called Back from Exile Days, and
* 112 "France is Great and the Rest of the World is Rubbish" Days.
Other important holidays are National Nuclear Bomb Day (January 12), the Feast of St. Brigitte Bardot Day (March 1), and National Guillotine Day (November 12). Bastille Day is July 14. (or as the French would say, "14 July")

France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if it was not inhabited by French people. The best thing that can be said for France is that it is not Germany.

More on the genetics of happiness

A great discussion on human nature and happiness between Steven Pinker, Martin Seligman, and Robert Wright. Is happiness "heritable"? Is my slide towards the reputation of being a curmudgeon inevitable?

Miss Manners steps out of bounds

Is there such a thing as etiquette where affairs are concerned? Judith Martin attempts to deal with this question from one of her readers. Even bothering to answer such stupid questions strikes me as a waste of time. If a woman has the audacity to care if her affair is being conducted in the "proper" Miss Manners way, she is probably missing a brain stem. By its very nature, an affair is improper. It can never be polite or well-mannered, as it is the tell-tale sign of low pedigree.

A warning from my favorite research jockey

John Charles sent me a warning worth publishing on "The Dangers of Bread". If you live near a Krispy Kreme, keep in mind that the studies on doughnuts are still inconclusive.

A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "SMELL OF BAKED BREAD MAY BE HEALTH HAZARD." The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma may break down ozone (I'm not making this stuff up). I was horrified. When are we going to do something about bread-induced global warming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go after Big Bread?

Well, I've done a little research, and what I've discovered should make anyone think twice ....
More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month! Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and osteoporosis.

Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, actually begged for bread after only two days. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to harder items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person. Newborn babies can choke on bread. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:
No sale of bread to minors.
No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers.
Remember: Think globally, act idiotically.

The Asian Massage Parlor Blues

The need to fall inlove with a new CD-- call it the soundtrack of your season-- can be overwhelming at times. For those who feel an urge to find something new right now, I have a few suggestions. Ever tried Vietnamese music? Better than the food, though the ambience often borders on acrylic nail salon (if you are a girl) or Asian massage parlor (if you are a gent). For those who like their bread buttered by the classics, an amazing new album by The Classical Jazz Quartet featuring Ron Carter and Kenny Barron, makes a boogie-man out of Johann Sebastian Bach. Relaxing and beautiful. Though not quite as blonde or throaty as Diana Krall, who is on tour in the US right now-- one of the few white women whose voice range captures both Billie Holiday and Frank Sinatra.


Into the popular and slightly more pulsating steps Richard Ashcroft's new album, which bests his last one in terms of production. Radley Balko provides some interesting information on the new Jeff Buckley collection coming soon to a music conglomerate near you. The Alabama Thunderpussies are still making a point of rocking the unfree world. And, although their latest hasn't recieved the best reviews, Morcheeba fans might still want to hold an ear to their attempt at more raw, natural rhythms on their latest album.

Last word: If you have managed to keep breathing without yet purchasing the new Tom Waits album (not so new anymore), then you are lying to yourself about living.

Positive anti-death penalty developments at the state and local level

As Jodi Wilgoren observes in an article for The New York Times, some of the most positive anti-death penalty actions are being taken at the state and local level. Wilgoren sheds light on recent events in Illinois, where Gov. George Ryan has halted executions after DNA evidence recently exonerated three persons convicted of capital crimes. Six months ago, a commission called for the sweeping overhaul of the state's capital punishment system. In the meantime, events opposing the death penalty have been increasing in incidence across the country.

In North Carolina, conservative citizens are taking the problem into their own hands, as the corrupt motives of certain attorneys have been exposed. Thanks to careful study and impeccable research documenting the high correlation between race and the application of the death penalty in North Carolina, even those who would normally support the death penalty have spoken out against it and called for a moratorium. In the case of North Carolina, it seems that empirical evidence effectively marshalled public opinion in the direction of active citizenship. Localities including Charlotte, Greensboro, Chapel Hill, Carrboro, and Durham have passed resolutions for a moratorium on capital punishment until probelms of corruption and racism are resolved. As executions become more cruel and prevalent in states like Texas and Alabama, Americans are beginning to wonder if Amnesty International might have been right all along-- perhaps the state has begun to mistake is role for that of a deity.

Religious groups and individuals have adamantly opposed the continuing use of the death penalty in the United States. For example, the Reverend Edward Rodman has publicly criticized the recent application of the death penalty in the case of John William King. Jesse Jackson did no less than publish a book on the issue. In a joint statement -The National Jewish/Catholic Consultation, co-sponsored by the National Council of Synagogues and the National Conference of Catholic Bishops' Committee for Ecumenical and Interreligious Affairs, called for an end to the death penalty.

"We have committed ourselves to work together, and each within our own communities, toward ending the death penalty", the statement read. Representatives of the two faiths said they will aim to develop joint educational materials for use in schools and congregations and hope to work together in local, state and national anti-death penalty coalitions.

The man I would have loved to call partner


Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. - Bertrand Russell

More chicken and egg dilemmas: Nature versus nurture

Steven Pinker points out that one of the problems with the debate between nature v. nurture concerns the false dichtomy set up to contain and explain it.

Humans, of course, are not exclusively selfish or generous (or nasty or noble); they are driven by competing motives elicited in different circumstances. Although no aspect of the mind is unaffected by learning, the brain has to come equipped with complex neural circuitry to make that learning possible. And if genes affect behavior, it is not by pulling the strings of the muscles directly, but via their intricate effects on a growing brain.

Pinker says most people admit that the tabula rasa assumption is too extreme, yet continue to assume it in their conclusions-- a problem most apparent in the field of developmental psychology. For example, most parenting advice is inspired by studies that find a correlation between parents and children.

Loving parents have confident children, authoritative parents (neither too permissive nor too punitive) have well-behaved children, parents who talk to their children have children with better language skills, and so on. Everyone concludes that to rear the best children, parents must be loving, authoritative, and talkative, and if children don't turn out well, it must be the parents' fault.....Parents, remember, provide their children with genes, not just a home environment. The correlations between parents and children may be telling us only that the same genes that make adults loving, authoritative, and talkative make their children self-confident, well behaved, and articulate. Until the studies are redone with adopted children (who get only their environment, not their genes, from their parents), the data are compatible with the possibility that genes make all the difference, the possibility that parenting makes all the difference, or anything in between. Yet in almost every instance, the most extreme position - that parents are everything - is the only one researchers entertain.

Thomas Moore makes a similar critique, only from an ethical position. Moore believes that too many of us use our parents as an excuse for our personal shortcomings. Insofar as we can blame Mom and Dad, we don't have to sit down and think about what we did wrong-- we don't have to feel "bad" (yuck) or consider how we might do better. In short, we don't have to grow up because Mommy and Daddy are always there to blame. However, acknowledging the somewhat dysfunctional essence of family life is crucial to bing able to appreciate and learn from it, on Moore's view.

A family is a microcosm, reflecting the nature of the world, which runs on both virtue and evil...The sentimental image of family that we present publicly is a defense against ther pain of proclaiming the family for what it is-- a sometimes comforting, sometimes devastating house of life and memory.

One sees such reasoning in the overwhelming importance that psychologists and therapists assign to divorce as a cause of childhood rebellion and adult mood disorders. Insofar as it helps us universalize our understanding of family life, mythologizing might be helpful. The image of the mater dolorosa or long-suffering mother-- perhaps best captured by the Virgin Mary-- still colours our modern views about the role of motherhood. To deny this is to ignore some of our most powerful natural cognitive inclinations

A prophet of the school of "behavioral genetics", Pinker believes that our inability to acknowledge human emotions as a part of evolution retards our understanding of modern developmental problems. Take for example the recent genetic discoveries in the study of autism bu those who, like Dr. John Vincent at the University of Toronto, are working on Chromosome 7 data. As Pinker notes:

Diseases like autism and schizophrenia are highly heritable, and though they are not completely determined by genes, the other likely contributors (toxins, pathogens, chance events in brain development) have nothing to do with parenting. Mothers don't deserve ''some'' of the blame if their children have these disorders, as a nature-nurture compromise would imply; they deserve none of it.

One of my friends who suffers from bipolar disorder refuses to have children because she feels guilty at the mere thought of passing it on. Granted, the disorder has a long history in her family, but her self-flagellation suggests a new kind of eugenic thinking that permeates modern society, namely, if your child is anything less that constantly happy, you, as a parent, are to blame. I resent this assumption for what it does to reverse the effects of tolerance and human empathy. We take respnsibility too far when we expect parents to carry the weight of their children's moral consciousness.

The 15th-century theologian Nicholas of Cuza, who authored a book about the importance of "educated ignorance", urged us to find ways to unlearn those things that screen us from the perception of profound truth. In other words, we should spend more time trying to unlearn our defense mechanisms, our most comfortable lies and scapegoats, our self-pity parties, and less time cultivating such unhelpful forms of escapism.