slouching towards euphoria

2003-03-18T14:50:00.000-05:00

W.A. B. ain't for me.

How sad.

2003-03-18T14:45:00.000-05:00

C.S. Lewis on Christianity and sexual pleasure.

"Christianity is almost the only one of the great religions which thoroughly approves of the body - which believes that matter is good, that God Himself once took on a human body, that some kind of body is going to be given to us even in Heaven and is going to be an essential part of our happiness, our beauty, and our energy. Christianity has glorified marriage more than any other religion: and nearly all the greatest love poetry in the world has been produced by Christians. If anyone says that sex, in itself, is bad, Christianity contradicts him at once."

2003-03-10T23:42:00.000-05:00

A few of my favorite sex laws, some breakable, some absurd, and some best left untouched.

In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

In Tibet, many years ago, the law required all women prostitute themselves. This was seen as a way to gain sexual experience prior to marriage.I think the situation is the same in Alabama. In fact, the practice has even been insitutionalized through the formation of sororoties.

In London, it's illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle.

"Female breasts," according to the Arizona Supreme Court, don't constitute "private parts" under state law.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

The T'ang Dynasty Empress Wu Hu passed a special law concerning oral sex. She felt that a woman pleasuring a man represented the supremacy of the male over the female. Therefore, she insisted all visiting male dignitaries show their respect by pleasuring her orally when meeting. The empress would throw open her robe and her guest would kneel before her and kiss her genitals.

There is, in fact, an Illinois law that prohibits a number of things—one of which is a public erection, another is nude dancing. The prohibition against the public erection has never been challenged in the Supreme Court, but the prohibition against nude dancing has.Boys, I am truly sorry about this judicial negligence. Fight for your right to a free erection.

In 17th century Spain, it was illegal for anyone other than a woman's husband to see her bare feet. A woman could freely expose her breasts, but feet were considered sexual and had to be covered in the presence of men other than her husband.The beginnings of foot fetishism.

An 18th century French prostitute could be spared punishment if she were willing to join the opera. Brilliant. Welfare-to-workfare in action.

The Romans would crush a first-time rapist's gonads between two stones.

In Indiana, mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a "tendency to habitually kiss other humans."

In Krakow, Poland it's not only a crime to have sex with animals, but three-time offenders are shot in the head.Don't get me started on Krakow....

Up until 1884, a woman could be sent to prison for denying a husband sex.

While not as extreme as the ancient Israelite punishment for adultery (stoning), Greek men still had their fair share of discomfort when their pubic hair was removed and a large radish was shoved up their rectum.The thought of radishes has never been less tempting.

In Alabama, it's against the law for a man to seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage."I love it! So, wait a minute, is a chaste woman a self-dubbed "chaste woman". Consider me chaste...

In Mississippi, S & M is against the law. Specifically, "The depiction or description of flagellation or torture by or upon a person who is nude or in undergarments or in a bizarre or revealing costume for the purpose of sexual gratification."

As recently as 1990, these states had laws against heterosexual fellatio, cunnilingus, anal sex and the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C. Pitiful.

In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

An excerpt from Kentucky state legislation: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club."Kinky.

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal. Guess that eliminates the old Clinton cigar-trick.

It is illegal for any member of the Nevada legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session.A problem I never imagined...

It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property. Beautiful.

In Romboch, Virginia, it is illegal to engage in sexual activity with the lights on.

In the state of Utah, sex with an animal—unless performed for profit—is not considered sodomy and therefore is legal.

In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.

In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances (including the wedding night).

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.

The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer.

A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

2003-03-10T23:21:00.000-05:00

Understanding noise.

Ian Simmons talks to Jacques Attali, author of Noise. Attali's other books include Anti-economique, L'ordre cannibal, Economie de I'Apocalypse and Millennium: Winners and Losers in the Coming World Order. He was special advisor to François Mitterrand, and advised the United Nations General Secretary on nuclear proliferation. He founded and served as president of the European Bank for Reconstruction and Development and, in 1984, founded the Eureka new technologies program. He is chairman of A&A, an investment bank and which specialises in information technology. But is he the man to lead us to the bottom of noise? Perhaps the question suffers from the same excess subjectivity as the potential response.

2003-03-10T23:13:00.000-05:00

Men with whom I would like to mix genes.

Adrien Brody.

Adrien Brody.

And Adrien Brody.

Come to think of it, Brody resembles my cousin, Filip Pitaru, a little bit. Maybe the genes are closer than I think...

2003-03-10T16:48:00.000-05:00

The White Stripes.....

Talk about their new album, "the death of the sweetheart", and other fine topics.

2003-03-10T16:39:00.000-05:00

Things To Tell Your Next Lover by Susan Taylor

Most of the nerve endings on your clitoris are on the left side.
Your G spot seems to be about two inches in, slightly to the right.
There is nothing worse than breaking rhythm, unless it's doing it too hard.
You like your coffee with lots of milk.
You hate to be kissed before you brush your teeth.
Your feet are always cold.
You like to kiss with the taste of wine still in your mouth.
You like to have your nipples circled, slowly, with a fingertip or tongue.
You don't enjoy having your butt touched, at all.
You don't like sharing the shower.
You stretch gently in response to having your neck stroked.
You hate having your navel touched.
You always stop to pet cats on the street.
You don't refill the ice cube trays.
Sometimes you look like you're listening, but you're not.
You aren't good at it but sometimes you lie anyway.
Someday, the two of you will run into me somewhere, at the movies or just leaving a restaurant as you're entering it, and I will still know all these things about you. And both you and your next lover will know that I do, by the way that I smile.

2003-02-25T15:32:00.000-05:00

In the world of the classified and ossified...

The declassification of a few new papers is always exciting. There is nothing quite like slicing open the envelope and finding that all the verbs and proper names have been blacked-out. Alas, the historian must interpret the skeleton. A juicy new batch ripe for the interpreting.

2003-02-19T14:56:00.000-05:00

Privacy perverts.

An excellent article by Neil Davenport on the perversion of privacy.

2003-02-18T15:09:00.000-05:00

The rock has a soul.

As life and satire inch closer together, to paraphrase Radley, Ellen Parker's short, "Hell: An Autobiography", carves its own niche in the sizzle of anthropomorphizing literary trends.

2003-02-18T14:57:00.000-05:00

Grrr..

Karen Shepard's short story, "Popular Girls", has a disgusting protagonist that shares my name.

2003-02-18T14:24:00.000-05:00

Digressions.

Dr. Jane Alexander Stewart reviews the film Personal Velocity.
What's in a bag? A revelation by any other name would taste as sweet.
How time changes when the hands on the clock are no longer your own.

2003-02-14T13:15:00.000-05:00

"Skipping the State" by Marilyn Krysl

Know I did not speak ill of you
when you left me weeping and pregnant
in the suburbs, for that girl with spiked hair
and a tongue ring. I have not defaulted
on the mortgage, or revealed to your enemies
your smoldering secret—how you liked it
when I pretended to have betrayed you with Robert
and you turned on the spit of minor-league jealousy,
the kind with no penalty, since you knew I was
faking. Nor in regard to naughtier longings
did I turn loquacious, nor list for other women

your shortfalls. Grant me, then, the child-support
payments, which, after all, result from your indulgence and my gullibility, trusting that things you said
in private might be taken literally. Forgetting,
under the spell of your rhetoric, that declarations
men make while inside women
will be retroactively rescinded

on withdrawal. Though you, of all people, had the temerity
to question my fidelity—believe me, the child
is ours. In honor, then, of our son's innocence,
rise, please, to this fiduciary occasion.

2003-02-14T13:12:00.000-05:00

Beautiful ideas for hotel bathrooms...

2003-02-14T12:31:00.000-05:00

Radley's list and my additions.

So the search for the best love songs continues. And for a music-lover like myself, it becomes all too easy to get wrapped up in the nostalgia of a life lived to the tune of love songs. I wholeheartedly agree with the songs Radley added, but particularly the two that follow.

Nick Cave and Johnette Nopalitano, "The Ship Song" -- "I must remove your wings, and you, you must learn to fly..." Cave's creepy barritone and Nopalitano's angelic cry mingle with rapturous results.
Absolutely. The most amazing part-- losing your innocence, or exchanging one faith for another.

Bob Dylan, "Just Like a Woman" -- Speaking of Dylan, I guess I'd pick this one if I had to choose just one, by a hair over "Most of the Time." Like most of his bests, it's beautiful in its simplicity. "She makes love just like a woman,/But she breaks just like a little girl." Did a man ever understand a woman better than Dylan?

Now I will venture into the realm of the unspoken secret shames-- ah yes, the cock rock realm, and everything thereafter. So whip out your pleather pants, your yearbooks, and forget about what you're supposed to be doing.

Love is a battlefield by Pat Benatar-- "We are strong-- no one can tell us we're wrong. Searching our hearts for so long...both of knowing... love is a battlefield. Believe me believe me but I can't tell you why-- I'm trapped by your love and I'm chained to your sigh." Reminds me of first love-- defiant, rebellious, refusing to concede to anything like "wisdom". Thank you for that, Martin Kennedy. Love has never been as mad, as tempestuous, or as extreme since.

Patience by Guns N Roses-- I won't even quote this one. Let's just assume everyone has a secret place for this tune.

Crash by Dave Matthews-- "I'm bareboned and crazy for you, when you come crash into me... and I come into you, in a boy's dream..Hike up your skirt a little more, show the world to me. Oh, hike up your skirt a little more, show your world to me". So much to say about this song, and how it unravels every defense, unblocks every expectation. "Tied up and twisted" the way love leaves you, hungry and longing, so beautiful. I remember listening to this song with someone on a train through Europe, so happy in my chains, as small tears rolled down my cheek. This is what makes life worth the sometimes-pain.

Romeo and Juliet by the Dire Straits-- "Juliet, the dice was loaded from the start. And then you exploded into my heart....When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong?....I dreamed your dream for you, but now your dream is real. How can you look at me as if I were just another one of your deals? You can fall for chains of silver, you can fall for chains of gold, you can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold..... I can't do everything, but I'll do anything for you...And all I do is miss you, and the way we used to be. All I do is keep the beat of bad company. And all I do is kiss you.. through the bars of a rhyme. Juliet, I'd do the stars with you anytime." Once again, this belongs to Martin.

Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley-- "Well, your faith was strong but you needed proof. You saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you. She tied you to her kitchen chair, and she broke your throne and she cut your hair and from your lips she drew the hallelujah." When a man loves you, there is that moment when he decides to finally let go of his fears. Only then do you both get to taste freedom. John Charles named the kittens I left in a basket for him Sampson and Delilah. Indeed, Sampson lost in the end, but "love is not a victory march-- it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah". You can't "win" love; you can't control it-- you can only accept it. Courage is knowing that you can't love without losing a little part of yourself. But you also can't love without discovering new parts. Embrace your blues.

Borderline by Madonna-- "Finish what you start....Just try to understand, I'm giving all I can cause you've got the best of me. Borderline... feels like I'm going to lose my mind. You just keep on pushin' my love over the borderline." About all the insecurities and nonsense and jealousy and envy you tolerate and attempt to placate when you love someone. Put this one a few CDs for Bill. Love to dance alone in my room to this-- early Madonna makes me want to skip.

Breakdown by Tom Petty-- About looking someone in the eye and essentially saying, "Quit bullshitting. Lay it on the table. What do you want?"

Sign your name by Terence Trent D'Arby-- High school again. And again.

2003-01-10T16:29:00.000-05:00

Because living is in the way we die...

And a good death requires just the right last-action-inducing soundtrack. Sometimes I think life would be simpler if it ran at Bond-speed, robbing us of the time for leisured contemplation. To jump from one corner to another, fueled by animal instinct-- to live at the end of a joy-stick. There's no point in living if you can't feel alive. If I can't have it all, then at least I can set the soundtrack for those who will.

1. The World Is Not Enough Garbage
2. Never Met a Girl Like You Before Edwyn Collins
3. Talk Show Host Radiohead
4. Everybody Knows Concrete Blonde
5. Witch The Cult
6. Real Cool World David Bowie
7. Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me U2
8. Goldeneye Tina Turner
9. History Repeating The Propellorheads
10. Strip tease Hawksley Workman
11. Break My Body Pixies
12. FraKtured King Crimson
13. She Moves On Paul Simon

2003-01-07T21:48:00.000-05:00

So says Dr. Richard D. Swenson in The Overload Syndrome

"Despite most people's abundant personal -- and painful -- experience with activity overload, it is interesting to see how we have normalized such a state. We have come to believe that activity is all that counts, everything else is being sloth. If we are not busy, we are not of value. Where did this notion come from? And why is it so strongly resident with in us?"

2003-01-05T23:12:00.000-05:00

Inspirations.

In his essay, Self-Reliance, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote :"People measure their esteem of each other by what each has, and not by what each is.... Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." On this note, nothing can help those who love you deal with your potential death better than your own ability to deal with it. Bharati Mukherjee's ability to confront her own mortality in the public eye is a mark of true integrity and personal strength.

2003-01-05T18:00:00.000-05:00

Self-exploration.

How wonderfully rotten to be able to spend the afternoon in reckless, self-indulgence, otherwise known as "contemplation" or "introspection"! Of course, the lack of events in my life certainly increases my tendency to have second-rate thoughts-- a problem quickly relieved by the numerous web sites which allow you to examine yourself without having to think too much.

For example, today I learned that sleeping positions are the key to personality. The fact that I always sleep on my stomach or my side is suggestive of "hidden aggression", and "often a precursor to dramatic and sometimes detrimental shifts in the sleeper's emotional life". Sounds hopeful.

After making sure that I did not win the world's ugliest toes contest, I decided to take a look at this website translated into Redneck dialect, which opened a world of new possibilities, including the Elmer Fudd dialect, known to be accorded handsome respect on The Hill.

I then went on to create my own cult; invitations to membership are open, though I understand if membership in the Church of the Blind Chihuahua poses a conflict of interest.

Enough. Everything I learned about myself today added up to a grand total of nonsense. Like the big button that doesn't do anything, I have exhausted my entertainment options. So please excuse me if I move on to something more stimulating, like, for example, the cases against physical exercise.

2003-01-04T15:07:00.000-05:00

Music at this moment...

BROKEN ENGLISH by Marianne Faithful
It's just an old war, not even a cold war..What are we fighting for? ....Don't say it in Russian, don't say it in German. Say it in broken English.
DAMAGED GOODS by Gang of Four
Damaged goods. Send 'em back. I can't work, I can't achieve. Send me back.
HOUR FOLLOWS HOUR by Ani DiFranco
REDEMPTION'S SON by Joseph Arthur
STRIPTEASE by Hawksley Workman
TEAR ME DOWN by Hedwig and the Angry Inch
On August 12, 1961, a wall was erected down the middle of the city of Berlin. The world was divided by a cold war and the Berlin Wall was the most hated symbol of that divide Reviled. Graffitied. Spit upon. We thought the wall would stand forever, and now that it's gone, we don't know who we are anymore. Ladies and Gentlemen, Hedwig is like that wall, standing before you in the divide between East and West, Slavery and Freedom, Man and Woman, Top and Bottom. And you can try to tear her down, but before you do, remember one thing. There ain't much of a difference between a bridge and a wall. Without me right in the middle, babe you would be nothing at all.
TONGUE-TIED by Eve 6
I would swallow my pride, I would turn with the tide, but the lack thereof just leaves me empty inside. Swallow my doubt, turn it inside out, find nothing but faith in nothing.

2003-01-04T13:18:00.000-05:00

The last of my weekend odes to drunkards.

In honor of those dedicated drunks who stimulate certains sectors of the American economy with their spending, I bring you The Ballad Of The Drunkard by David Smith.

My darling young angel
Don't you leave me behind
Won't you wait for a sinner
While I have some more wine

I know there's no future
In drinking all day
But the factories'll keep working
Without me in their way

In barrooms they sing songs
In churches they pray
I'd rather sing with the sinners
Then grovel all day

When I dream of Heaven
I dream of the past
Surrounded by drunk friends
And raising a glass

So when dear God does ask you
Where is the soul they call Dave
Tell him I fell off the wagon
On the way to the grave.

2003-01-04T13:05:00.000-05:00

Wisdom from the back booths.

“There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokeable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.”

So sayeth Sammy C. while pontificating over a cigar and bourbon at the Streets of London Pub. For more Wino Wisdom, check your local hole-in-the-wall at around 5 AM.

2003-01-03T21:57:00.000-05:00

The entire script of Emma Goldman's "Patriotism: A Menace to Liberty". Because it's now or never in the hopes that it may be never again.

WHAT is patriotism? Is it love of one's birthplace, the place of childhood's recollections and hopes, dreams and aspirations? Is it the place where, in childlike naivety, we would watch the fleeting clouds, and wonder why we, too, could not run so swiftly? The place where we would count the milliard glittering stars, terror-stricken lest each one "an eye should be," piercing the very depths of our little souls? Is it the place where we would listen to the music of the birds, and long to have wings to fly, even as they, to distant lands? Or the place where we would sit at mother's knee, enraptured by wonderful tales of great deeds and conquests? In short, is it love for the spot, every inch representing dear and precious recollections of a happy, joyous, and playful childhood? If that were patriotism, few American men of today could be called upon to be patriotic, since the place of play has been turned into factory, mill, and mine, while deafening sounds of machinery have replaced the music of the birds. Nor can we longer hear the tales of great deeds, for the stories our mothers tell today are but those of sorrow, tears, and grief.

What, then, is patriotism? "Patriotism, sir, is the last resort of scoundrels," said Dr. Johnson. Leo Tolstoy, the greatest anti-patriot of our times, defines patriotism as the principle that will justify the training of wholesale murderers; a trade that requires better equipment for the exercise of man-killing than the making of such necessities of life as shoes, clothing, and houses; a trade that guarantees better returns and greater glory than that of the average workingman.

Gustave Hervé, another great anti-patriot, justly calls patriotism a superstition--one far more injurious, brutal, and inhumane than religion. The superstition of religion originated in man's inability to explain natural phenomena. That is, when primitive man heard thunder or saw the lightning, he could not account for either, and therefore concluded that back of them must be a force greater than himself. Similarly he saw a supernatural force in the rain, and in the various other changes in nature. Patriotism, on the other hand, is a superstition artificially created and maintained through a network of lies and falsehoods; a superstition that robs man of his self-respect and dignity, and increases his arrogance and conceit.

Indeed, conceit, arrogance, and egotism are the essentials of patriotism. Let me illustrate. Patriotism assumes that our globe is divided into little spots, each one surrounded by an iron gate. Those who have had the fortune of being born on some particular spot, consider themselves better, nobler, grander, more intelligent than the living beings inhabiting any other spot. It is, therefore, the duty of everyone living on that chosen spot to fight, kill, and die in the attempt to impose his superiority upon all the others.

The inhabitants of the other spots reason in like manner, of course, with the result that, from early infancy, the mind of the child is poisoned with blood-curdling stories about the Germans, the French, the Italians, Russians, etc. When the child has reached manhood, he is thoroughly saturated with the belief that he is chosen by the Lord himself to defend his country against the attack or invasion of any foreigner. It is for that purpose that we are clamoring for a greater army and navy, more battleships and ammunition. It is for that purpose that America has within a short time spent four hundred million dollars. Just think of it--four hundred million dollars taken from the produce of the people. For surely it is not the rich who contribute to patriotism. They are cosmopolitans, perfectly at home in every land. We in America know well the truth of this. Are not our rich Americans Frenchmen in France, Germans in Germany, or Englishmen in England? And do they not squandor with cosmopolitan grace fortunes coined by American factory children and cotton slaves? Yes, theirs is the patriotism that will make it possible to send messages of condolence to a despot like the Russian Tsar, when any mishap befalls him, as President Roosevelt did in the name if his people, when Sergius was punished by the Russian revolutionists.

It is a patriotism that will assist the arch-murderer, Diaz, in destroying thousands of lives in Mexico, or that will even aid in arresting Mexican revolutionists on American soil and keep them incarcerated in American prisons, without the slightest cause or reason. But, then, patriotism is not for those who represent wealth and power. It is good enough for the people. It reminds one of the historic wisdom of Frederick the Great, the bosom friend of Voltaire, who said: "Religion is a fraud, but it must be maintained for the masses."

That patriotism is rather a costly institution, no one will doubt after considering the following statistics. The progressive increase of the expenditures for the leading armies and navies of the world during the last quarter of a century is a fact of such gravity as to startle every thoughtful student of economic problems. It may be briefly indicated by dividing the time from 1881 to 1905 into five-year periods, and noting the disbursements of several great nations for army and navy purposes during the first and last of those periods. From the first to the last of the periods noted the expenditures of Great Britain increased from $2,101,848,936 to $4,143,226,885, those of France from $3,324,500,000 to $3,455,109,900, those of Germany from $725,000,200 to $2,700,375,600, those of the United States from $1,275,500,750 to $2,650,900,450, those of Russia from $1,900,975,500 to $5,250,445,100, those of Italy from $1,600,975,750 to $1,755,500,100, and those of Japan from $182,900,500 to $700,925,475.

The military expenditures of each of the nations mentioned increased in each of the five-year periods under review. During the entire interval from 1881 to 1905 Great Britain's outlay for her army increased fourfold, that of the United States was tripled, Russia's was doubled, that of Germany increased 35 per cent., that of France about 15 per cent., and that of Japan nearly 500 per cent. If we compare the expenditures of these nations upon their armies with their total expenditures for all the twenty-five years ending with 1905, the proportion rose as follows:

In Great Britain from 20 per cent to 37; in the United States from 15 to 23; in France from 16 to 18; in Italy from 12 to 15; in Japan from 12 to 14. On the other hand, it is interesting to note that the proportion in Germany decreased from about 58 per cent. to 25, the decrease being due to the enormous increase in the imperial expenditures for other purposes, the fact being that the army expenditures for the period of 1901-5 were higher than for any five-year period preceding. Statistics show that the countries in which army expenditures are greatest, in proportion to the total national revenues, are Great Britain, the United States, Japan, France, and Italy, in the order named.

The showing as to the cost of great navies is equally impressive. During the twenty-five years ending with 1905 naval expenditures increased approximately as follows: Great Britain, 300 per cent.; France 60 per cent.; Germany 600 per cent.; the United States 525 per cent.; Russia 300 per cent.; Italy 250 per cent.; and Japan, 700 per cent. With the exception of Great Britain, the United States spends more for naval purposes than any other nation, and this expenditure bears also a larger proportion to the entire national disbursements than that of any other power. In the period 1881-5, the expenditure for the United States navy was $6.20 out of each $100 appropriated for all national purposes; the amount rose to $6.60 for the next five-year period, to $8.10 for the next, to $11.70 for the next, and to $16.40 for 1901-5. It is morally certain that the outlay for the current period of five years will show a still further increase.

The rising cost of militarism may be still further illustrated by computing it as a per capita tax on population. From the first to the last of the five-year periods taken as the basis for the comparisons here given, it has risen as follows: In Great Britain, from $18.47 to $52.50; in France, from $19.66 to $23.62; in Germany, from $10.17 to $15.51; in the United States, from $5.62 to $13.64; in Russia, from $6.14 to $8.37; in Italy, from $9.59 to $11.24, and in Japan from 86 cents to $3.11.

It is in connection with this rough estimate of cost per capita that the economic burden of militarism is most appreciable. The irresistible conclusion from available data is that the increase of expenditure for army and navy purposes is rapidly surpassing the growth of population in each of the countries considered in the present calculation. In other words, a continuation of the increased demands of militarism threatens each of those nations with a progressive exhaustion both of men and resources.

The awful waste that patriotism necessitates ought to be sufficient to cure the man of even average intelligence from this disease. Yet patriotism demands still more. The people are urged to be patriotic and for that luxury they pay, not only by supporting their "defenders," but even by sacrificing their own children. Patriotism requires allegiance to the flag, which means obedience and readiness to kill father, mother, brother, sister.

The usual contention is that we need a standing army to protect the country from foreign invasion. Every intelligent man and woman knows, however, that this is a myth maintained to frighten and coerce the foolish. The governments of the world, knowing each other's interests, do not invade each other. They have learned that they can gain much more by international arbitration of disputes than by war and conquest. Indeed, as Carlyle said, "War is a quarrel between two thieves too cowardly to fight their own battle; therefore they take boys from one village and another village; stick them into uniforms, equip them with guns, and let them loose like wild beasts against each other."

It does not require much wisdom to trace every war back to a similar cause. Let us take our own Spanish-American war, supposedly a great and patriotic event in the history of the United States. How our hearts burned with indignation against the atrocious Spaniards! True, our indignation did not flare up spontaneously. It was nurtured by months of newspaper agitation, and long after Butcher Weyler had killed off many noble Cubans and outraged many Cuban women. Still, in justice to the American Nation be it said, it did grow indignant and was willing to fight, and that it fought bravely. But when the smoke was over, the dead buried, and the cost of the war came back to the people in an increase in the price of commodities and rent--that is, when we sobered up from our patriotic spree--it suddenly dawned on us that the cause of the Spanish-American war was the consideration of the price of sugar; or, to be more explicit, that the lives, blood, and money of the American people were used to protect the interests of American capitalists, which were threatened by the Spanish government. That this is not an exaggeration, but is based on absolute facts and figures, is best proven by the attitude of the American government to Cuban labor. When Cuba was firmly in the clutches of the United States, the very soldiers sent to liberate Cuba were ordered to shoot Cuban workingmen during the great cigarmakers' strike, which took place shortly after the war.

Nor do we stand alone in waging war for such causes. The curtain is beginning to be lifted on the motives of the terrible Russo-Japanese war, which cost so much blood and tears. And we see again that back of the fierce Moloch of war stands the still fiercer god of Commercialism. Kuropatkin, the Russian Minister of War during the Russo-Japanese struggle, has revealed the true secret behind the latter. The Tsar and his Grand Dukes, having invested money in Corean concessions, the war was forced for the sole purpose of speedily accumulating large fortunes.

The contention that a standing army and navy is the best security of peace is about as logical as the claim that the most peaceful citizen is he who goes about heavily armed. The experience of every-day life fully proves that the armed individual is invariably anxious to try his strength. The same is historically true of governments. Really peaceful countries do not waste life and energy in war preparations, with the result that peace is maintained.

However, the clamor for an increased army and navy is not due to any foreign danger. It is owing to the dread of the growing discontent of the masses and of the international spirit among the workers. It is to meet the internal enemy that the Powers of various countries are preparing themselves; an enemy, who, once awakened to consciousness, will prove more dangerous than any foreign invader.

The powers that have for centuries been engaged in enslaving the masses have made a thorough study of their psychology. They know that the people at large are like children whose despair, sorrow, and tears can be turned into joy with a little toy. And the more gorgeously the toy is dressed, the louder the colors, the more it will appeal to the million-headed child.

An army and navy represents the people's toys. To make them more attractive and acceptable, hundreds and thousands of dollars are being spent for the display of these toys. That was the purpose of the American government in equipping a fleet and sending it along the Pacific coast, that every American citizen should be made to feel the pride and glory of the United States. The city of San Francisco spent one hundred thousand dollars for the entertainment of the fleet; Los Angeles, sixty thousand; Seattle and Tacoma, about one hundred thousand. To entertain the fleet, did I say? To dine and wine a few superior officers, while the "brave boys" had to mutiny to get sufficient food. Yes, two hundred and sixty thousand dollars were spent on fireworks, theatre parties, and revelries, at a time when men, women, and children through the breadth and length of the country were starving in the streets; when thousands of unemployed were ready to sell their labor at any price.

Two hundred and sixty thousand dollars! What could not have been accomplished with such an enormous sum? But instead of bread and shelter, the children of those cities were taken to see the fleet, that it may remain, as one of the newspapers said, "a lasting memory for the child." A wonderful thing to remember, is it not? The implements of civilized slaughter. If the mind of the child is to be poisoned with such memories, what hope is there for a true realization of human brotherhood?

We Americans claim to be a peace-loving people. We hate bloodshed; we are opposed to violence. Yet we go into spasms of joy over the possibility of projecting dynamite bombs from flying machines upon helpless citizens. We are ready to hang, electrocute, or lynch anyone, who, from economic necessity, will risk his own life in the attempt upon that of some industrial magnate. Yet our hearts swell with pride at the thought that America is becoming the most powerful nation on earth, and that it will eventually plant her iron foot on the necks of all other nations.

Such is the logic of patriotism.

Considering the evil results that patriotism is fraught with for the average man, it is as nothing compared with the insult and injury that patriotism heaps upon the soldier himself,--that poor, deluded victim of superstition and ignorance. He, the savior of his country, the protector of his nation,--what has patriotism in store for him? A life of slavish submission, vice, and perversion, during peace; a life of danger, exposure, and death, during war.

While on a recent lecture tour in San Francisco, I visited the Presidio, the most beautiful spot overlooking the Bay and Golden Gate Park. Its purpose should have been playgrounds for children, gardens and music for the recreation of the weary. Instead it is made ugly, dull, and gray by barracks,--barracks wherein the rich would not allow their dogs to dwell. In these miserable shanties soldiers are herded like cattle; here they waste their young days, polishing the boots and brass buttons of their superior officers. Here, too, I saw the distinction of classes: sturdy sons of a free Republic, drawn up in line like convicts, saluting every passing shrimp of a lieutenant. American equality, degrading manhood and elevating the uniform!

Barrack life further tends to develop tendencies of sexual perversion. It is gradually producing along this line results similar to European military conditions. Havelock Ellis, the noted writer on sex psychology, has made a thorough study of the subject. I quote: "Some of the barracks are great centers of male prostitution. . . . The number of soldiers who prostitute themselves is greater than we are willing to believe. It is no exaggeration to say that in certain regiments the presumption is in favor of the venality of the majority of the men. . . . On summer evenings Hyde Park and the neighborhood of Albert Gate are full of guardsmen and others plying a lively trade, and with little disguise, in uniform or out. . . . In most cases the proceeds form a comfortable addition to Tommy Atkins' pocket money."

To what extent this perversion has eaten its way into the army and navy can best be judged from the fact that special houses exist for this form of prostitution. The practice is not limited to England; it is universal. "Soldiers are no less sought after in France than in England or in Germany, and special houses for military prostitution exist both in Paris and the garrison towns."

Had Mr. Havelock Ellis included America in his investigation of sex perversion, he would have found that the same conditions prevail in our army and navy as in those of other countries. The growth of the standing army inevitably adds to the spread of sex perversion; the barracks are the incubators.

Aside from the sexual effects of barrack life, it also tends to unfit the soldier for useful labor after leaving the army. Men, skilled in a trade, seldom enter the army or navy, but even they, after a military experience, find themselves totally unfitted for their former occupations. Having acquired habits of idleness and a taste for excitement and adventure, no peaceful pursuit can content them. Released from the army, they can turn to no useful work. But it is usually the social riff-raff, discharged prisoners and the like, whom either the struggle for life or their own inclination drives into the ranks. These, their military term over, again turn to their former life of crime, more brutalized and degraded than before. It is a well-known fact that in our prisons there is a goodly number of ex-soldiers; while, on the other hand, the army and navy are to a great extent supplied with ex-convicts.

Of all the evil results I have just described none seems to me so detrimental to human integrity as the spirit patriotism has produced in the case of Private William Buwalda. Because he foolishly believed that one can be a soldier and exercise his rights as a man at the same time, the military authorities punished him severely. True, he had served his country fifteen years, during which time his record was unimpeachable. According to Gen. Funston, who reduced Buwalda's sentence to three years, "the first duty of an officer or an enlisted man is unquestioned obedience and loyalty to the government, and it makes no difference whether he approves of that government or not." Thus Funston stamps the true character of allegiance. According to him, entrance into the army abrogates the principles of the Declaration of Independence. What a strange development of patriotism that turns a thinking being into a loyal machine!

In justification of this most outrageous sentence of Buwalda, Gen. Funston tells the American people that the soldier's action was a "serious crime equal to treason." Now, what did this "terrible crime" really consist of? Simply in this: William Buwalda was one of fifteen hundred people who attended a public meeting in San Francisco; and, oh, horrors, he shook hands with the speaker, Emma Goldman. A terrible crime, indeed, which the General calls "a great military offense, infinitely worse than desertion." Can there be a greater indictment against patriotism than that it will thus brand a man a criminal, throw him into prison, and rob him of the results of fifteen years of faithful service?

Buwalda gave to his country the best years of his life and his very manhood. But all that was as nothing. Patriotism is inexorable and, like all insatiable monsters, demands all or nothing. It does not admit that a soldier is also a human being, who has a right to his own feelings and opinions, his own inclinations and ideas. No, patriotism can not admit of that. That is the lesson which Buwalda was made to learn; made to learn at a rather costly, though not at a useless price. When he returned to freedom, he had lost his position in the army, but he regained his self-respect. After all, that is worth three years of imprisonment.

A writer on the military conditions of America, in a recent article, commented on the power of the military man over the civilian in Germany. He said, among other things, that if our Republic had no other meaning than to guarantee all citizens equal rights, it would have just cause for existence. I am convinced that the writer was not in Colorado during the patriotic régime of General Bell. He probably would have changed his mind had he seen how, in the name of patriotism and the Republic, men were thrown into bull-pens, dragged about, driven across the border, and subjected to all kinds of indignities. Nor is that Colorado incident the only one in the growth of military power in the United States. There is hardly a strike where troops and militia do not come to the rescue of those in power, and where they do not act as arrogantly and brutally as do the men wearing the Kaiser's uniform. Then, too, we have the Dick military law. Had the writer forgotten that?

A great misfortune with most of our writers is that they are absolutely ignorant on current events, or that, lacking honesty, they will not speak of these matters. And so it has come to pass that the Dick military law was rushed through Congress with little discussion and still less publicity,--a law which gives the President the power to turn a peaceful citizen into a bloodthirsty man-killer, supposedly for the defense of the country, in reality for the protection of the interests of that particular party whose mouthpiece the President happens to be.

Our writer claims that militarism can never become such a power in America as abroad, since it is voluntary with us, while compulsory in the Old World. Two very important facts, however, the gentleman forgets to consider. First, that conscription has created in Europe a deep-seated hatred of militarism among all classes of society. Thousands of young recruits enlist under protest and, once in the army, they will use every possible means to desert. Second, that it is the compulsory feature of militarism which has created a tremendous anti-militarist movement, feared by European Powers far more than anything else. After all, the greatest bulwark of capitalism is militarism. The very moment the latter is undermined, capitalism will totter. True, we have no conscription; that is, men are not usually forced to enlist in the army, but we have developed a far more exacting and rigid force--necessity. Is it not a fact that during industrial depressions there is a tremendous increase in the number of enlistments? The trade of militarism may not be either lucrative or honorable, but it is better than tramping the country in search of work, standing in the bread line, or sleeping in municipal lodging houses. After all, it means thirteen dollars per month, three meals a day, and a place to sleep. Yet even necessity is not sufficiently strong a factor to bring into the army an element of character and manhood. No wonder our military authorities complain of the "poor material" enlisting in the army and navy. This admission is a very encouraging sign. It proves that there is still enough of the spirit of independence and love of liberty left in the average American to risk starvation rather than don the uniform.

Thinking men and women the world over are beginning to realize that patriotism is too narrow and limited a conception to meet the necessities of our time. The centralization of power has brought into being an international feeling of solidarity among the oppressed nations of the world; a solidarity which represents a greater harmony of interests between the workingman of America and his brothers abroad than between the American miner and his exploiting compatriot; a solidarity which fears not foreign invasion, because it is bringing all the workers to the point when they will say to their masters, "Go and do your own killing. We have done it long enough for you."

This solidarity is awakening the consciousness of even the soldiers, they, too, being flesh of the flesh of the great human family. A solidarity that has proven infallible more than once during past struggles, and which has been the impetus inducing the Parisian soldiers, during the Commune of 1871, to refuse to obey when ordered to shoot their brothers. It has given courage to the men who mutinied on Russian warships during recent years. It will eventually bring about the uprising of all the oppressed and downtrodden against their international exploiters.

The proletariat of Europe has realized the great force of that solidarity and has, as a result, inaugurated a war against patriotism and its bloody spectre, militarism. Thousands of men fill the prisons of France, Germany, Russia, and the Scandinavian countries, because they dared to defy the ancient superstition. Nor is the movement limited to the working class; it has embraced representatives in all stations of life, its chief exponents being men and women prominent in art, science, and letters.

America will have to follow suit. The spirit of militarism has already permeated all walks of life. Indeed, I am convinced that militarism is growing a greater danger here than anywhere else, because of the many bribes capitalism holds out to those whom it wishes to destroy. The beginning has already been made in the schools. Evidently the government holds to the Jesuitical conception, "Give me the child mind, and I will mould the man." Children are trained in military tactics, the glory of military achievements extolled in the curriculum, and the youthful minds perverted to suit the government. Further, the youth of the country is appealed to in glaring posters to join the army and navy. "A fine chance to see the world!" cries the governmental huckster. Thus innocent boys are morally shanghaied into patriotism, and the military Moloch strides conquering through the Nation.

The American workingman has suffered so much at the hands of the soldier, State, and Federal, that he is quite justified in his disgust with, and his opposition to, the uniformed parasite. However, mere denunciation will not solve this great problem. What we need is a propaganda of education for the soldier: anti-patriotic literature that will enlighten him as to the real horrors of his trade, and that will awaken his consciousness to his true relation to the man to whose labor he owes his very existence.

It is precisely this that the authorities fear most. It is already high treason for a soldier to attend a radical meeting. No doubt they will also stamp it high treason for a soldier to read a radical pamphlet. But, then, has not authority from time immemorial stamped every step of progress as treasonable? Those, however, who earnestly strive for social reconstruction can well afford to face all that; for it is probably even more important to carry the truth into the barracks than into the factory. When we have undermined the patriotic lie, we shall have cleared the path for that great structure wherein all nationalities shall be united into a universal brotherhood,--a truly FREE SOCIETY.

2003-01-03T21:02:00.000-05:00

Availability.

A good man is hard to find. That's why Modern Drunkards magazine brings you the top 5 most eligible winos. Consider me inspired by low-maintenance men as of late...

2003-01-02T22:07:00.000-05:00

Steve, don't you go and trim your hair...

So what's it like to be Steve Malkmus? Better yet, what is it like to be Steve Malkmus' bed? Bryan Charles attempts to explain the former, while evading the latter. After watching Malkmus perform with his new group, the Jinks, Charles reports:

It is often said of a certain kind of male figure: "Women want to be with him, and men want to be him." This statement could not be truer of Stephen Malkmus. I saw Pavement four times and I’ve seen the Jicks twice now, and if there is a factor that unifies the crowds at these shows even more than whiteness, it’s the outpouring of love and envy Malkmus is able to evoke with the slightest grin or flip of his skater bangs. Although perhaps I am projecting; perhaps I sense that love and envy most strongly in my own head.

Malkmus' best in his Pavement coterie include, on my view: Embassy Row, AT&T, Range Life, Shady Lane, and Cut Your Hair.